Quest of the Three Task Things
by MercTaf
Summary: Prince Kaji is getting married...but to who? Hoping to be the lucky bride, Lady Asuka goes on a quest to win his affection. Insanity ensues.


Ok…um, disclaimer: Merc and Taf do NOT own Evangelion.. We wish we did, but we don't. We don't own the joke either, if anyone actually cares. Was supposed to be a Kaji/Asuka fic, became a skewed fairy tale, but we like it. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Once upon a time, there was a bitchy girl named Asuka. She fell in love with a handsome prince named Kaji, but he would not return her love until she performed the three Official Task Thingies. No one in the land had ever accomplished the three Official Task Thingies, which must always be capitalized. But Asuka, unaware that the feelings she felt for Kaji were merely signs of a superficial infatuation, boldly decided that she was the one who would accomplish them. This is because even though she was bitchy, she was also an egomaniac.   
"The first task," Prince Kaji told her, "Is to make Lady Rei Ayanami laugh."  
"B-but," Asuka stammered, "Lady Wondergirl has not cracked so much as a smile since she was … er, created!"  
"That," said Prince Kaji emphatically, "Is COMPLETELY beside the point."  
And so, Asuka set out for the Lady Rei Ayanami's castle, wondering exactly what the point had been. As Asuka entered Lady Rei's chamber, she went over in her mind all of the things that made NORMAL people laugh, and quickly ruled them out.  
'I'm doomed.' Asuka thought to herself.   
Losing faith in herself, Asuka turned tail and ran out of the castle. Once outside, she used her amazing intellectual facilities to find the nearest bar. Throwing herself on a barstool and ordering a triple martini, she was informed that the bar was not open at 8:30 in the morning. As she glared at the bartender, she recognized him … he was someone from her past …  
Which, of course, was not always a good thing.  
"Ikari?! What the hell are YOU doing here?!" Asuka demanded.  
"Me? I work here. What are YOU doing?" Shinji replied.  
"I am trying to complete all three Official Task Thingies so that I can marry Prince Kaji!" Asuka announced, eyes shining.  
"Oh. How's Ayanami?"  
At this seemingly innocent question, memories flooded Asuka's mind. Memories of Ayanami, smiling faintly up at Shinji. At last, it appeared that something was going right, although technically the story had not been long enough for anyone to judge. Asuka grabbed Shinji forcefully by the arm and dragged him in the general direction of Lady Rei's castle.  
"Hey, Asuka!" Shinji cried, struggling to free his arm from her tight grasp, "Where are we going?!"  
"That's none of your business!" Asuka snapped, "All you need to do is be funny. BE FUNNY."  
Shinji gulped, nodded, and resigned himself to being pulled along the road. At last they reached the gates to Lady Rei's castle, only to find a guard who had not been there an hour earlier.  
"Excuse me," she said politely, "Do you have ID?"  
"Look lady, nobody was here an hour ago, so let me through, I know Lady Rei!"  
"My," said the guard in amusement, "Such a lot of commas for such a young lady."  
"Shut up!" Asuka grumbled loudly.  
"Well," the guard said, pointedly ignoring Asuka, "You can't go in without ID."  
Shinji, who had been silent up until now, cautiously said, "Mona, it's me, Ikari."  
Mona's eyes widened as she recognized him.  
"I'm sorry, Ikari-san, you just usually don't come so early in the … morning. Well, go on in, you can even take your obnoxious little friend along if you'd like."  
As they approached the door, Asuka turned to Shinji.  
"Do you visit very … often?" she asked.  
Shinji blushed.  
"Err, no, what gave you that idea?"  
"Let's just go in." Asuka said, pushing the door open.  
Due to the advanced system of intercoms connecting the gate and the house, Lady Rei was waiting in the entrance hall when the two entered.  
"Hi, Ayanami!" said Shinji cheerfully, "How are you?"  
"Good morning, Ikari," Lady Rei said in her most monotone tone, "I'm fine."  
"Okay, okay," Asuka said impatiently, "Enough small talk. Shinji and I are here to make you laugh."  
She prodded Shinji, as if by doing that she could magically give him a sense of humor.  
"Uh," he said intelligently. Then, feeling Asuka glaring at him, he desperately tried to think of a joke. "What's brown and sticky?"  
Lady Rei thought for a while, before slowly replying, "I don't know. I suppose a lot of things."  
Asuka sweatdropped.   
Shinji, feeling clever at having thought of such a difficult joke, triumphantly responded, "A stick!" with much emotion.  
"My," Lady Rei said flatly, considering his answer, "I am not sure what I should do at a time like this."  
"You laugh, Ayanami," said Shinji gently.  
Lady Rei burst into fits of laughter, tears of mirth streaming down her cheeks. A little bit frightened, but nonetheless happy, Asuka shouted over Lady Rei's laughter that she needed to depart. Asuka quickly went in search of the nearest bus that could transport her back to her city, only to discover that buses had not yet been invented. For that matter, she realized, neither had triple martinis.  
  
To Be Continued …  
  
So, whaddaya think? Will Asuka accomplish the next task? Will she ever find a triple martini? Have Mercuria and Tafadhali GONE UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY MAD?!  
(Yes.) These questions and more answered in the next chapter of: The Quest Of The Three Task Thingies. 


End file.
